Flare Care Share.
Flare Care Share is a simple mantra to help people communicate better in tough to have conversations. It’s easy to remember and simple to apply. No jargon. No textbooks.
Quality of Life is Quality of Communication and Flare Care Share applies to any communication. For example, talking with an under-performing employee, a truculent adolescent or an uncomprehending spouse.
Three simple words help you to handle any situation:
FLARE - this is the first warning sign that a situation is brewing that needs special attention. The human body sends signals which make you “flare up”. We all get them and call them different things but they are your early warning system.
These signals start life in a part of the primitive brain called the Amygdala. They are processed at such speed that they appear on the surface of the body way before rational controlling thoughts can intervene. We must learn to manage them after the event. The trick is to spot them early.
Typically brain signals coming from the Amygdala prompt “fight or flight” which shows up as violence ranging from sarcasm up to ranting tirades or silence in the form of suppressing feedback or physical avoidance. We all know when a situation is “getting on our nerves.”
Silence and violence are usually poor responses. Spotting that you have flared up is the first step in self awareness and the avoidance of harm to yourself or others.
CARE - is the linking step. The trick is to pause and do nothing other than reflect. At this point you can say to yourself internally:
“I care enough for my own mental and physical health and for that of the people close to me that I will pause before reacting to the feelings of being flared up that are fuelling my thoughts right now.”
Easier said than done. This is just like”counting to ten” but there is a next step.
SHARE - is the practical step and is largely another internal dialogue.
“What have I seen or heard and how have I interpreted it to get me so emotionally charged.”
“What might the other folks have seen or heard and interpreted to get them all flared up?”
This is a simple de-fusing process to stop the bomb going off. Every story has two sides so before diving in pause to gauge the other person’s viewpoint.
From this point in there is a simple way to structure a conversation so that any tough situation can be rapidly opened up without festering and be resolved without tears.
The written word is not the medium to convey this process effectively. Role play is the only practical way to teach “Flare Care Share” because it relies on participants hearing themselves open up and resolve a conflict through authentic sharing.
The central principles are understanding objectives, testing for consensus and a creative attitude towards alternative options. At a deeper level self awareness, ego control and the willingness to consider other views are important.
“Flare Care Share” works equally well in the classroom, the bedroom or the Boardroom.
It can be learned in an afternoon. No note taking is required. No jargon is used.
The answer will lie in how you make other people feel about you and not in the words you use. This means that you have to understand what drives the feelings you have about yourself. That’s the really tough bit!
email introduction@fearlessconsulting.co.uk to learn more and arrange a meeting to start putting Flare Care Share to work.